No where, is courage needed more than in the area of relational hurt. Hiding, pretending, attacking, and defending, keep short-circuiting any hope of restoration. The healing power of the Gospel provides the heroism necessary to deal with the alienation and ache of offenses committed both by us, and against us. The truth of justification gives the power to forgive freely, and to be freely forgiven (Eph 4:32).

Nothing short of heroism is necessary in order for the Body of Christ to build itself up in love. When believers are self-protective, and defensive; they are unable to give and receive admonishment (Rom 15:14). It is the justified man who is wise enough to receive a genuine admonishment born of love. Because he knows he is justified, yet a sinner, he can admit when he is wrong without being diminished.
So much of our self-protection, pretending, and hiding our hearts from God and each other is because we do not understand the present value of the cross. The finished work of Christ is perfectly suited for dealing with every sin; and the fruit of every sin. The present value of the cross allows the believer to process the most horrendous things about himself. This is because no fact or negative truth can harm the saint’s perfect standing in Christ before God.
The cross works across the grain of the flesh. It opposes the self-preservation strategies that turn upon self-sufficiency. God calls His people to childlike vulnerability before Him. We must be willing to be searched (Ps 139:23, 24). The Scriptures join lowliness of mind with contrition (Is 57:15; 66:2).
Guarded ‘dungeons of pain’ keep us from receiving God’s love in new areas of our being. Christ calls His people to make appointments with Him in these ‘dungeons’. He wants us to dismiss our guards and give Him the opportunity to apply His grace to these heart prisons. He is perfectly qualified for this. He is the Sympathetic High Priest who empathizes and identifies with all of our weakness and pain.
In His suffering for us, He identified Himself with the sorrows and exigencies of the human condition. In His passion He entered into our experience of alienation; identifying Himself with the consequences of sin in the soul.
As a result, His priesthood addresses both the guilt of sin, and the effects of sin. He wants us to desist from our schemes of carnal management; and call upon Him for new supplies of grace and mercy (Heb 4:15, 16).
His priestly mercy is available to us in areas that we are used to controlling. These areas include sin, weakness, protection, failure, rejection, disillusionment, inadequacy, helplessness, pain, and resentment.
Realism before God is a hard won asset. Strategies to defend our pain and woundedness tend to be habitual and instinctive. The Psalmist was willing to meet God in some very painful places; there are prayers with themes of despair, despondency, depression, betrayal, disillusionment, resentment, guilt, and injustice.
Agonizing memories and ache of soul are a common theme in the Psalms. Calvin referred to the Psalms as an entire anatomy of the soul.
When a believer refuses to accept appointments with God in these areas of negativity, these same areas become “sealed off” from the full benefit of God’s grace. When appointments with Christ in our regions of pain are consistently refused; the heart builds ‘prisons’ to house these unacceptable negative emotions.
The result of sealing off the pain is often a host of defenses that manifest themselves in our relationships. Our hearts are no longer tender before Lord because we have refused to “pour out our hearts to God” (Ps 62:5-8).
Sealing off pain is a symptom of flight from judgment. It causes us to split off from the very regions of our hearts that are needed for godly passion and Christian compassion. Unless our heart prisons of pain are allowed to come in contact with God; it is very unlikely that we will be able to weep with those who weep (Rom 12:15).
The Apostle Paul makes it clear; those who draw abundantly from God’s comfort amidst their suffering are best equipped to comfort others (2 Cor 1:3-11).
It is a mercy that God lets our pain defenses fail. A constant use of carnal defenses builds up layers of protection that inhibit our ability to enjoy intimate contact with God. Affliction is sent by God to break up the ‘lime scale’ of our carnal strategies. Only the cross can put these self-life strategies out of business.
When we endure God’s chastening, it is unto a grace awakening. During affliction, God empties out our secret coffers of merit. He takes us back to the Publican who has nothing but sin. He causes our defenses to fail (this can be catastrophic for us; it may feel like God is against us). He orchestrates all of this that He might restore us to a place of child-like reliance and vulnerability before Him.
Only by fresh views of our depravity, including our defenses, will we be able to marvel again at the unfathomable riches of Christ our righteousness (Jer 23:6).